Was it just me or were you stuck between a rock and a hard place, deciding whether to watch Big Brother or Victoria Beckham: Coming to America? Yes I know it's sad, but when they open crap tv-holics anonymous, I'll be the first in line.
I felt empowered between 9-915pm, shunning the trout pout, (even though watching Chanelle is essentially the same thing. Then the break came. And like Kate Moss trying to repel Pete Docherty, I waned and flicked channels, disgusted facial expressions and kisses of teeth at the ready. Big Brother did not get another look in.
What is it about Mrs 'Menopause personified' that make unmissable tv? Well it certainly wasn't the Osbournes-meets-over-excited cheerleader format, 'because everything is like, so totally shiny in America!' SKHT.
But while it's actually rather sad that you need an hour-long documentary to prove you laugh and eat (more below), it did kind of work. Or maybe it was just clever editing.
So, here are my top 3 jibes:
1. Was I the only one that noticed that she scraped the apple sauce tin, licked the spoon, then used it to spread the filling for the apple pie, she (being her assistant) was making for her neighbours? Money does not buy hygiene then?
2. Watching her boobs get closer and closer to her chin as the show went on.
3. Hearing about her complain about what people think about her, but then living up to said persona, by tottering around like a vexed waxwork model.
However much I try and slate her, I did watch (even though it was purely just to make sure that she had actually left these shores). As far as I'm concerned, America can have her. It's not like England can gladly claim her as a great English export, is it? And as much as I wish her super ego would swallow her and make her disappear, I know it's unlikely as two of my major pet hates combine: talent-less dipsticks and any and everything American. God help us.
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