Wednesday 25 July 2007

Good girl, got worse...?

Right, so Rihanna's been at the top of the charts for a fifth of a year. Congratulations are definately in order. But.... (oh there's always a but!). I can't help but notice a trend, and I can't quite fathom whether it is a good thing gone bad or not.
Rihanna, has quite obviously been given a stylistic and musical overhaul, as the whole album has a slightly rock chick feel, and I couldn't help but think, 'if only the album were as exotic as she is.'
The title track sounds as though it took half an hour to make on a Casio keyboard, and has taken my dad's favourite revival beats and made them into the type of song that will be the last track played to a dwindling dancefloor of drunkards before they throw up. 'Hate that I love you,' penned by Ne-yo, has a distinct deja vu effect ie, isn't he tired of using the 'Sexy Love' beat yet?
The whole thing is a bit 'Ibiza here I come,' with the bonus tracks filled with dance versions of the originals, which conjour up scary images of her performing with glow sticks everywhere.
But the record sales speak for themselves with first week sales of 68k, 115k and 162k for 'Music of the Sun,' 'A Girl like Me' and 'Good Girl Gone Bad' respectively. So, it seems that Sugababe-with-a-Bajan-accent stylee wins through. But does that make her a sell out?
Well, no. It's not like she didn't try to express herself('pon de replay', 'if it's loving that you want' etc), and she has certainly not allowed elocution lessons to distort that tenuous twang. But it's not the first time that somebody has been accused of such things for going down a slightly different path. Think Lemar, Sugababes, Big Brovaz, Gnarls Barkley, Sonique etc. Why do we assume that a black person has to sing "black" music or be labelled a coconut?
I resist the term sellout, but embrace the term manipulation. Marketing a clever people. So we have figured out who the powers that be are (not really that hard, think Chris Rock rich vs wealthy). I think that where the problem lies is in the rigorous testing of an artist's pliability, in other words, we'd like a bit of black...yep, that's just about enough thank you! It's the same reason that Brian from BB is now 2/1 to win the series, 'cos he's the right type of digestible black boy - the Essex cockney, with gelled hair, who you can laugh at rather than be scared of.
Personally, the genre of music doesn't bother me, so long as one remains true to oneself. However, it seems that the deciding factor these days is, how big do you want to be? Is your main concern your musical integrity or getting a sponsership deal with Clinique?
I think I know which Rihanna has opted for. She has obviously stuck two fingers up to file sharing lot of us and opted to use her shelf life to make some serious moolah from those that actually BUY cds. But to be fair, when you were discovered at a talent show, and have a voice that pierces the eardrum like a foghorn in the night, you're not exactly a legend in the making, so I guess you should be that good girl gone bad/good/chinese/mormon or whatever, until the next pint-sized beauty comes along. But let's just give thanks that there's another representative in the glossies for the entire black female race, aside from Beyonce for now.

Tuesday 24 July 2007

Posh loses more weight! To balance the ego-induced inflation of her head...

Was it just me or were you stuck between a rock and a hard place, deciding whether to watch Big Brother or Victoria Beckham: Coming to America? Yes I know it's sad, but when they open crap tv-holics anonymous, I'll be the first in line.
I felt empowered between 9-915pm, shunning the trout pout, (even though watching Chanelle is essentially the same thing. Then the break came. And like Kate Moss trying to repel Pete Docherty, I waned and flicked channels, disgusted facial expressions and kisses of teeth at the ready. Big Brother did not get another look in.
What is it about Mrs 'Menopause personified' that make unmissable tv? Well it certainly wasn't the Osbournes-meets-over-excited cheerleader format, 'because everything is like, so totally shiny in America!' SKHT.
But while it's actually rather sad that you need an hour-long documentary to prove you laugh and eat (more below), it did kind of work. Or maybe it was just clever editing.
So, here are my top 3 jibes:
1. Was I the only one that noticed that she scraped the apple sauce tin, licked the spoon, then used it to spread the filling for the apple pie, she (being her assistant) was making for her neighbours? Money does not buy hygiene then?
2. Watching her boobs get closer and closer to her chin as the show went on.
3. Hearing about her complain about what people think about her, but then living up to said persona, by tottering around like a vexed waxwork model.
However much I try and slate her, I did watch (even though it was purely just to make sure that she had actually left these shores). As far as I'm concerned, America can have her. It's not like England can gladly claim her as a great English export, is it? And as much as I wish her super ego would swallow her and make her disappear, I know it's unlikely as two of my major pet hates combine: talent-less dipsticks and any and everything American. God help us.